I decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon. I love to write, but for some reason can never force myself to sit down and write in a journal. With everything upside down in my life right now, I figured it's as good a time as any to start!
My name is Melanie. I am 28, a virgo, a mom, a sister, a daughter, a best friend, a significant other. I came from a large family, and as rare as it is these days, my parents are still together, still married. They had 4 of us children, 2 boys, then me, then another girl. Perfect family I'd say. I'd say that because I love "large" families. I always planned that I would have 3 children of my own and that my first would be at age 25. Well... so far I'm on track.
December 15, 2007 Michael and I had a pregnancy test show POSITIVE. I was so happy and nervous and everything else a pregnant, hormonal woman would feel ;). Life was going according to plan, I'm 25 and pregnant with my first!
We found out via ultrasound on 3/20/2008 that the baby was a boy! We already had the name Logan Michael picked out. For some reason we both agreed right away on Logan, and Michael is Daddy's name. So the rest of the pregnancy goes as planned, and on 8/1/08 I gave birth to a healthy, 9 lbs 2 oz baby boy. Love at first sight!
His first year of life is full of exciting firsts, sleepless nights, and tons of diaper changes. He is THE sweetest, most handsome, happiest little boy I'd ever met. Sure every mom might say that, but it was really true with Logan! :)
Logan's 12 month checkup goes smoothly, except that he had to get the dreaded SHOTS. On the way to the doctor, with Logan babbling away in the backseat "mamamamama" and blowing raspberries, Michael and I are reflecting back on the past year, and how much of a pure joy our son is. When we open the sliding door of the minivan, Logan as always smiles from ear to ear and babbles "adada!" Cutest. Thing. Ever.
Logan gets his shots and life goes on. He has his first birthday party, and he is cruising EVERYWHERE. He just won't let go of that couch yet though. He has had a couple ear infections at this point, and a week after his 1st birthday party we have to take him to get tubes in his ears. It was very, VERY, sad seeing how upset Logan was when he woke up from surgery, but according to the doc, everything went smoothly. He recovers, and for awhile he has no more ear infections.
A few more months go by, and for some reason Logan STILL isn't letting go of that couch to walk on his own. I start doing some research, and find that a lot of times boys are slower with milestones than girls, and the "normal" walking age can be all the way up to 18 months. Okay, I can handle that. We continue working with him, and he continues smiling and laughing at everything we do. He's a good sleeper, a good eater, no tantrums, just an overall EASY child. We are more in love with him than ever.
Then, Logan has his 15 month checkup. I express my concerns to his doctor about Logan not walking, and for some reason he doesn't tell me "Oh it's fine, every child is different" like I was expecting him to say. Instead, he asks if Logan is babbling or saying any words. Michael and I both say at the same time "Well, not anymore". We had remembered back to when we would open the slider door on the minivan and Logan's face would light up as he babbled "adada!" We realize he hasn't done this for a couple months now. The doctor isn't very happy to hear that news. He gently tells us that Logan should probably get an evaluation at the local children's therapy center. I can't even THINK about holding back tears at this point. Why would he need an evaluation? What did we do wrong? Did I do something I wasn't supposed to do when I pregnant? Eat too much fish or not take enough vitamins?! Was I too stressed during my pregnancy by working full-time and sometimes even overtime? HUNDREDS of questions and fears flooded our minds. Unfortunately, the doctor couldn't answer any of these questions.
We went home, made the appointment for the evaluation, and worried while we waited. I kept hoping Logan would suddenly start walking across the room, come up to me and say "Hi mom! See, I'm fine!". But, no such luck. We take him to the evaluation and they tell us he is delayed in all areas, and does in fact qualify for OT/PT and Speech Therapy. I ask them what any other mom would ask: why? They simply say they don't know. "It could be nothing!" they say. "He may just need a little push". Okay. Just a push. So I sign him up for all the therapy sessions they suggest and wait for them to give him the little push he needed. And yet he continues to still need a push month after month. I love my son with all my heart and soul, and love him more than ever before, but at this point one word is constantly swirling around in my head: WHY?!
Why does my son need therapy that other people's kids don't need? Not just one therapy, but two. And they suggested a home teacher as well, that I refused. I don't need someone coming into MY home telling me how to "push" my son to do better when I'm his mom, I'm taking him to his therapies, I know that he's going to be JUST FINE!
Little did I know, that therapy sessions, therapists, and home teachers were going to become a MAJOR part of our lives.
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